I feel a little worried that my surgery is in less than three days. My mom and brother-in-law have both told me that surgeries are no big deal. In fact, I think for my brother-in-law anyways, they’re more like a badge of honor. Me… I’m just nervous about one. The nervousness isn’t that bad though, mostly I just try not to think about it and go about my merry way. It’ll be over and done with before long. Just like the surgery will be here in no time, the wound will be healed and pain gone in no time. I just have to get through it and try to take care of myself the best way I can.
I think the thing that worries me more than the surgery is disappointing people. I know I have “high hopes and low expectations” but I am worried that several people have high expectations resting on the temporal lobe of my brain. I can’t really tell who, ‘cuz I can’t hear all that well, but I just get that feeling. Maybe I’m just being paranoid. I try not to think about that too, and just do my best and whatever happens, happens and we’ll deal with it.
I have described this experience to several people this week about it being like a roller coaster. I love roller coasters. I hope this will have the same type of effect. These last ten months feels like I am making a slow ascent up the steepest part of the ride. The nervousness builds, and your mind is having conflicts with itself (should I do it? should I not do it?). The surgery is at the top and then down, down, down you go (mapping). Usually, you’re scared out of your mind, but somewhere down the descent, you realize that you actually like it and you want to do it again (well not the surgery part though).
I made some progress with self-therapy. I’ve connected my iTunes to download books from http://www.audible.com/. From there, I will probably purchase books off of the Internet or use books I already have for dual audio/reading exercises. I am trying to get books that are read by their authors so the voices won’t be so varied. I love Harry Potter and have given a try at listening to the books on tape with Jim Dale. I think Jim Dale is great and extremely talented. He holds the Guinness World Record for the most number of voices in an audio book – 146!!!! This was for “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows”. I also love him in “Pushing Daisies”. I think it’s better to start out with baby steps though (i.e. not Jim Dale) and choose someone who has a fairly consistent voice. FYI, he also has a British accent.
I have mentioned that I’m getting a CI to some of my deaf friends who do or don’t use their voice and may or may not use hearing aids. Amazingly enough, everyone has been really supportive. This wasn’t a deciding factor for me, but it does make me feel a little bit better. Plus, I know I have some great friends.